Monthly Archives: April 2007

No More Blank Tapes archive, vol. 1

The wonderful thing about vids is that you can play them over and over and over again, FOREVER – until, of course, they stretch, and lag, and shed oxide, and delaminate, and, well, show’s over quicker than you can say ‘Ghost of Christmas special past’.

I’m in the ungainly process of moving continents, so won’t be around for quite a bit – three or four weeks, even. So, here’s a good chance to dip into the No More Blank Tapes archive, vol. 1.

I can’t quite decide my favourite theme so far. It might be the one about the robots, or the bicycles, or the drawn-out descent, or that game called SIMON.

Catch you on the flipside.

Vids featuring slipping between the covers (by which I mean books, squire)

Vids featuring junk food (looking like the unappealing trash it truly is)

Vids featuring bombs

Vids featuring the use and abuse of a smoke machine

Vids featuring gathering round a table

Vids featuring office space

Vids featuring an errant ball or two

Vids featuring the use and abuse of a wind machine

Vids featuring people that look like rainbows

Vids featuring scenes of holidaying or travel

Vids featuring a plethora of paint

Vids featuring a famous friend or few

Vids featuring coloured lights reminiscent of the game SIMON

Vids featuring a whole lot of dorking around on bicycles

Vids featuring dancing and posturing round a white-ish room

Vids featuring a drawn-out descent

Vids featuring teamwork or something like it

Vids featuring robots and a potential new best friend

Vids featuring a hot pursuit

Vids featuring fuzzy guitars and a kiss

Vids featuring songs with the name ‘Mona’ in it

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Vids featuring slipping between the covers (by which I mean books, squire)

As suggested in the Carry On-esque title, here are some vids featuring slipping between the covers (by which I mean books, squire).

OK – Shitdisco

I work in publishing, and, I can tell you, this paper engineering seriously gets my motor running. Possibly, one of the cleverest videos I’ve seen in a long time – and I want the damn book!

Head over heels – Tears for Fears

Random acts of library rebellion: 1

Librarian Haunted Love

Random acts of library rebellion: 2 (bonus terse foot-stamping!)

Tropical Iceland – Fiery Furnaces

Wrapped up in books – Belle and Sebastian

Blue Monday ’88 – New Order

Yeah, yeah, I posted it very recently under vids featurng an errant ball or two. But who can ignore that flipbook?

Let there be rock – AC/DC

What you waiting for? – Gwen Stefani

It was with this song that I went from complete disinterest regarding the life, times, and tunes of Ms. Stefani to ‘Oh! How I wish Gwennie was my sister! We’d just be Harajuku girls hanging out on Omotesando with Ramona all the time. There, we’d eat Beard Papa and Mos Burger and giggle into our hands a lot.’

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Vids featuring junk food (looking like the unappealing trash it truly is)

This morning I sneezed and, before you can say “Goes the weasel!”, the fly button on my city shorts went POP! and catapulted across the room.

Evidently, this was my wardrobe’s snide way of advising:

“Oi. Ease up on them there potato chips, Slim!”

And, because I am nothing if not vengeful, here follows a moderate-sized serving of vids featuring junk food (looking like the unappealing trash it truly is).

The yeah yeah yeah song – The Flaming Lips

Ice cream – New Young Pony Club

Ride a white horse – Goldfrapp

True, Alison Goldfrapp is one lady I would not like to go into a “my calves are hotter than your calves” competition with at the local disco. Her calves are so smokin’ they go all the way up to her hoo-ha.

Note also: seriously slammin’ kicks.

Yea yeah – Matt and Kim

These two look as happy as clams clamming it up in Clamsville. And conceivably, clam is on the degustation hurled at them throughout the song.

One time, I had a food fight with a Sara Lee chocolate Bavarian cheesecake. Actually, the food fight was with another human, but the weapon of choice was a Sara Lee chocolate Bavarian cheesecake. I tell ya, when that stuff hits the skin it goes sour before you can say Sara Lee chocol…

Coffee & TV Blur

I concur, milk is good for bones and babies and calves of the bovine variety, and only really becomes ‘junk food’ once you mix it with chocolate and pink marshmallows and, oooh, a little more chocolate, please! But this li’l runaway milk carton as terribly sad as I am when he ‘expires’ is included on account of being full fat.

Tsk tsk.

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Vids featuring bombs

Remember kids: bombs totally aren’t da bomb.

Jezebel – The Drones

A lot of arresting images here… stark, horrid, and lovely. Like the music, the video moves full of darkness, scattered with light… and has that awesome tendency to make you gasp a little… or a lot.

Galang – M.I.A.

Let’s dance – David Bowie

This was going to come under my forthcoming “Vids featuring strange and mysterious goings-ons in the Outback”, but I’ve decided it fits here. I don’t get whether it’s Sydney or the Ettamogah-alike pub (is that Slim Dusty at the bar?) that is subject to the nuclear mushroom cloud. In fact, there’s a lot I don’t get about this vid…

It’s all post Berlin-era Mr B. when he’d dried out and turned sane again, so one would think the loco in the coco narrative (a cross between Hans Christian Andersen’s The Red Shoes, The Adventures of Barry McKenzie, and a New South Wales Tourism ad, where, somehow, the Strand Arcade is an achievable stroll from the Outback… in heels), wasn’t racked up on a storyboard of dazzle dust.

You’d think.

Love missile F1-11 – Sigue Sigue Sputnik

Beautiful world – Devo

Sweet bird of truth – The The

Science fiction
– Divinyls

Yah, this old fave rates only in lyrical mention (“I always thought that they’d drop the bomb”). However, I am considering adopting Chrissie Amphlett’s haircut here for my coiffure-after-next (I like to plan ahead). So, um, there.

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Vids featuring the use and abuse of a smoke machine

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire… or at least a handy smoke machine. I turned You Tube upside down searching for the video where everyone gets engulfed by smoke, and, at the bitter, choking end, somebody rasps over their ventolin inhaler:

“TURN THAT SHIT OFF, YOU CAN’T HAVE A SMOKE MACHINE IN A SMALL FLAT!”

Then, it dawned on me that I was actually remembering a party I hosted about five or six years ago. See how often ‘reality’ and ‘video’ collide?

These vids run the gamut of ‘smoke for spooky effect’, ‘smoke for seemingly no reason at all’, and ‘is that bona fide smoke or are my memories just hazy? Half of these You Tube vids are so heavily pixelated I can’t truly tell.’

And, inspired by Ian Astbury twistin’ like a flame in a slow dance, baby, who hasn’t devised their own strip routine or few to Fire woman by The Cult, eh?

Note also, I realize it’s dry ice, but I’ve slipped in Funky cold medina, just as a sneaky, smoky, aperitif.

So, as I was saying, here are a few vids featuring the use and abuse of a smoke machine.

Rise – Public Image Ltd.


Sidewalking – The Jesus and Mary Chain

More – Sisters of Mercy
[Youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XmHDKuKWM4]
Fire woman – The Cult
[Youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0coJxNgASs]
Funky cold medina – Tone Loc
[Youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUpha-7jAYg]
Wuthering heights – Kate Bush
[Youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfGc4wcil2g]
Fascination Street – The Cure
[Youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rwjYGBlsnI]
Seven wonders – Fleetwood Mac
[Youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hYA2nDyp08]

Incidentally, my friend Pete once wryly observed that his hair in humid climes was “bigger than a Fleetwood Mac reunion tour”. And that is perhaps my favourite quote in all of history, by someone who wasn’t Peter Cook, Dorothy Parker, or a brothers Marx (Groucho, Harpo, Chico, and the oft-forgotten Karl).

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Segue: 1975 promo for the Sony Betamax VTR

“The Sony Betamax – its only purpose is to serve you. This totally new concept in home entertainment will expand your enjoyment of television viewing to a level that was, a short time ago, nothing more than an ambitious dream…”

You say Betamax, I say Bizarre-a-max.

(No, not really. That was just a poorly executed pun on the rather peculiar advertisement, linked above.)

If the truth be known, I don’t remember much (nay anything) about 1975. I do recall it was the year of the Rabbit on the Chinese zodiac, and, of course, the year two of my favourite people in the whole wide world were born (myself and the hubz).

Seemingly, from its drab mid-decade glam-rock’s-dead-and-punk-has- barely-broken standpoint, the future was sizing up as a synesthete’s Tron-like spirograph paradise. Yet, the creative director on the Betamax campaign kept their vision of the future decidedly open – evident in the Monty Python-esque drawings and really freakin’ oddball scenes reminiscent of the rock opera Tommy thrown in for good measure.

What I love most about the advertisement is that life is being touted as something that gets in the way of watching television (which, as Aristotle once mused, is the drug of a nation, breeding ignorance and feeding radiation).

Bitchin’.

(Or whatever catchphrase youths used to ‘enthuse’ back in ’75. I’ll go ask one of my aunties.)

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Vids featuring gathering round a table

Breakfast, dinner, a cup of tea with grandpoppy, shuffling furniture, or raising the dead – here follows a few vids featuring gathering round a table.

Over and over again – Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

Never let me down again – Depeche Mode

There’s no other way – Blur

The one thing – INXS

Gone daddy gone – Violent Femmes

Don’t mug yourself – The Streets

Smalltown boy – Bronski Beat

Ouija board, ouija board – Morrissey

Oh, and happy Easter. If I wasn’t stationed on the space station Skylab and orbiting festivities from afar, I would be gathering round a table chock full of these li’l guys:

Note: in case the link to the Great Aussie Foods website drops out leaving the identity of the above picture up to your rampaging imaginations, it depicts my favourite brand of chocolate egg (and most certainly has nothing to do with The Chippendales’ Ultimate Girls’ Night Out).

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