Go on, put your cardi on, for here follows a breezy autumnal to sub-Antarctic squall of vids featuring the use and abuse of a wind machine.
Over and over – Hot Chip
So fleeting, but so good.
Jesus Christ pose – Soundgarden
Here, the wind machine is explained away by a series of whirring wind turbines, setting Chris Cornell’s locks aloft, ever-so slightly. Despite all evidence to the contrary (particularly the chroma-key abuse, general dork montage of crucifixes, a grown man in shorts and boots, and the fact it’s, well, Soundgarden), 16 years on, this video still makes me feel unfathomably cool whenever I watch it.
Malibu – Hole
Oh! How I LOVE this song/video. Even now, watching the video for the ten-zillionth time and trying to work out if I should include it (because a subtle wind machine by the beach is diegetically appropriate) got me all choked up and wistful, as it always does. Yes, if I ever spotted Ms. Love passing by in the street, I would be compelled to shout (truthfully):
“I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU, COURTNEY!”
And if she rejoined my overly familiar salutation with a dismissive:
“___ ___, SLAG!”
Pray – Take That
Of course, the wind machine is the boy band’s bayonet, plunging into the hearts of squealing 12-year-old girls ever since music videos were invented in, oh, 1710 or something, back when Bach was in a boy band. So, here are some boy-banders doing a rather stomach-churning brand of yoga on the beach, loitering with intent under a cloak of mangroves, and having their blousons a-billowin’ to the prefab refrigerated gale of the “Roaring Forties” (stellar moment one minute in).
And finally, the most extreme use and abuse of a wind machine in the history thereof:
Total eclipse of the heart – Bonnie Tyler
I ask you: Turn around bright eyes OR Turn around zombie freak with ‘eyes’ illuminated by the very bowels of Hell so I can stab you in the heart with a very large stake, please.
Food for thought.