Monthly Archives: March 2007

Vids featuring an errant ball or two

So, here’s a whole volley of vids featuring an errant ball or two. Please keep your winks and nudges to yourself.

I am sure many of us can thank the final vid for our sound ability to count well into double digits. Without it, we’d probably be a few bagels short of a baker’s dozen. Yessss, we all know what that means…

(No? Me, neither. But it sounded catchy when I first came up with it.)

Kelly, watch the stars! – Air

Blue Monday (1988) – New Order

Cannonball – The Breeders

Whoo! Alright – yeah… uh huh – The Rapture

Let’s go to bed – The Cure

Fire eye’d boy – Broken Social Scene

Stop – Jane’s Addiction

Pinball number count – The Pointer Sisters



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Vids featuring the use and abuse of a wind machine

Go on, put your cardi on, for here follows a breezy autumnal to sub-Antarctic squall of vids featuring the use and abuse of a wind machine.

Alec Eiffel – Pixies

Over and over – Hot Chip
So fleeting, but so good.

Fait accompli – Curve

Babooshka – Kate Bush

Jesus Christ pose – Soundgarden
Here, the wind machine is explained away by a series of whirring wind turbines, setting Chris Cornell’s locks aloft, ever-so slightly. Despite all evidence to the contrary (particularly the chroma-key abuse, general dork montage of crucifixes, a grown man in shorts and boots, and the fact it’s, well, Soundgarden), 16 years on, this video still makes me feel unfathomably cool whenever I watch it.

I’m sorry for any embarrassment the above statement may cause my friends by association.

Malibu – Hole
Oh! How I LOVE this song/video. Even now, watching the video for the ten-zillionth time and trying to work out if I should include it (because a subtle wind machine by the beach is diegetically appropriate) got me all choked up and wistful, as it always does. Yes, if I ever spotted Ms. Love passing by in the street, I would be compelled to shout (truthfully):


And if she rejoined my overly familiar salutation with a dismissive:

“___ ___, SLAG!”

I would still consider it a win-win situation.

Pray – Take That
Of course, the wind machine is the boy band’s bayonet, plunging into the hearts of squealing 12-year-old girls ever since music videos were invented in, oh, 1710 or something, back when Bach was in a boy band. So, here are some boy-banders doing a rather stomach-churning brand of yoga on the beach, loitering with intent under a cloak of mangroves, and having their blousons a-billowin’ to the prefab refrigerated gale of the “Roaring Forties” (stellar moment one minute in).

And finally, the most extreme use and abuse of a wind machine in the history thereof:

Total eclipse of the heart – Bonnie Tyler
I ask you: Turn around bright eyes OR Turn around zombie freak with ‘eyes’ illuminated by the very bowels of Hell so I can stab you in the heart with a very large stake, please.


Food for thought.


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Vids featuring people that look like rainbows

You know, when people start looking like rainbows, you’re either on to something very, very good, or, just maybe, you’re watching the following vids featuring people that look like rainbows.

Staring at the sun – TV on the Radio

True faith – New Order

Harmonic generator – The Datsuns

She bop – Cyndi Lauper
As a wildly fascinating aside, when I was nine, I attended my school’s Easter fancy dress parade dressed as Cyndi Lauper. My costume was some haphazard affair of Mum’s disco cast-offs, a crimped side ponytail, and fluorescent ankle-socks, all to celebrate the rising of the Lord’s good shepherd. Or Jesus, if you prefer. Halfway though the day, I decided, nah, I was actually dressed as Tina Turner. And not one basket-wielding anthropomorphic rabbit, Transformer-bot, or Indiana Jones-alike really took me up on it, such was the power of going to school with a microphone everyone wanted to “use” (in spite of having no amp).

Daft Punk is playing at my house – LCD Soundsystem

Around the world – Daft Punk
Paradoxically, I actually really, REALLY, hate this song. But the above LCD Soundsystem clip (which I love) wouldn’t exist without it and the ensuing video’s characters. C’est la vie, eh?


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Vids featuring scenes of holidaying or travel

Right now, I’m on holiday. And, yes, you’d think I’d have better things to do than:

a) Attend to this website;


b) Wonder if the voice at the end of the “At Your Service” button here at the Marriott Hotel (somewhere-in-London branch) really is French, or just some guv’ner having a lark.

So – ignoring point a) and continuing with point b) – I have compiled the following quiz to test just how French he really is, including:

1) “I fancy pitching a tent. Where, monsieur, could I find le comping ground?”

2) “How I crave le croissant! Tell me, is there le boulangerie on the premises?”

and, the simple conversation starter of:

3) “Aaah, I do enjoy le ocean, but I much prefer the confines of le piscine…”

Ingenieux, non?

Right. Gotta make some calls. For now, here are a few vids featuring scenes of holidaying/travel:

Future world – Trans Am

Travel is dangerous – Mogwai

Good weekend – Art Brut

Do the whirlwind – Architecture in Helsinki

Burn in hell – Rocket Science

Boys and girls – Blur

Fit but you know it – The Streets

Welcome to the jungle – Guns n Roses

California girls – David Lee Roth


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Vids featuring a plethora of paint

“Paint! Where would we be without it, eh?” said the palette to the brush (who merely bristled).

Here are a few vids featuring a plethora of paint – you’ll see it spewed from eyes and doorways; sloshed about by good shipmates Taylor, Taylor, Taylor, Rhodes, and Le Bon; and daubed demonically upon the reverent H. Rollins, Esquire. And, in one instance, you’ll discover what craaaaaaazy shit happens when gas station attendants cut loose with the gouache.

Magick – Klaxons

Today – Smashing Pumpkins
Note: Includes scenes of dune frolicking reminiscent of Michelangelo Antonioni’s 1970 counterculture flick, Zabriskie Point. In a first-year cinema studies essay on the film, I enthusiastically referenced the Pumpkins clip and Antonioni’s influence thereupon, paying considerable mention to the icecream van, the paint, and James Iha in a dress. My tutor replied Oh really? in the margin.

Falling to pieces – Faith No More

Liar – Rollins Band

Rio – Duran Duran

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Vids featuring a famous friend (or few)

Certainly, a stitch in time saves nine, but a famous friend will get you through any door in town, so long as you don’t mind forever being known as + 1.

And, from what I can tell skating the dreary city limits of Anonymous Nobody-dom, the best thing about actually being famous – aside from the fact that fame buys you love, happiness, and your very own pre-fluffed cloud in Heaven – is that you get your own famous friends, who are, of course, better than not-famous friends. And sometimes, in the oft-colliding worlds of pop and rock, famous friends decide to stop, collaborate, and listen, paying heed to that poignant Vanilla Ice call to arms – or at least shaved eyebrows – of yore. Which is how I am able to bring you this mind-addlingly exhaustive list of vids featuring a famous friend (or few). Incidentally, three of these 11 clips star gents topping my Top 10 list of:

Dreamiest Dreamboats I’m Not Married To… Yet.

And, if the internet isn’t the appropriate place to solicit a famous friend four-way fiesta, I don’t know where is, viz:

Dave G, and Jason Lee.
Let’s get it ON.
You, you, you
And me.

But for now, here are some vids featuring a famous friend (or few).

Some velvet morning – Primal Scream

Weapon of choice – Fatboy Slim

Buddy Holly – Weezer

100% – Sonic Youth

Low – Foo Fighters

Kokomo – The Beach Boys
(Nah, not for Tom Cruise or Bryan Brown flipping pina coladas, but, in case you somehow miss the pink tank top, John Stamos is on bongos. Yes, Full House Stamos.)

You can call me Al – Paul Simon

Freedom 90 – George Michael

Rush, Rush – Paula Abdul

Remember the time – Michael Jackson

All you need is love – The Beatles

Oh, a prize (where I will write: You are the winner! RAD!) goes to anyone who could be bothered naming all the ‘famous friends’. And, if you can think of more BFFF vids, please link them in the comments section. I have already searched You Tube for that Elton John song with Robert Downey Jr lip-synching (‘I want love‘). How I wish it was there because my gang of four would hastily become five (see list of Dreamiest Dreamboats I’d Like to Proposition on the Internet. By which I mean R.D.J. not E.J. Just to make that clear.)

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Vids featuring coloured lights reminiscent of the game SIMON

Back in the olden days, way, way, waaaaaaaay before Donkey Kong was being weaned on mashed bananas, there was this totally wild “computer-controlled” game called SIMON.

And SIMON looked like this:

See, what happened was, lights would flash in a randomly generated sequence (see note about it being “computer controlled”), and you repeated this sequence by touching the light pads. If you got the damn thing wrong, SIMON buzzed at you, tersely.

GAME OVER, loser.

Your dad, suspicious of most technology, would scream from the livingroom:

“What the hell is going on there? Keep that cacophony going, and you’re not watching CHiPS!”

Tears of blood would then stream from your eyes in the pure frustration of it all.

Here are a few vids featuring coloured lights reminiscent of the game SIMON.

Modern feeling – Ikara Colt

Movement – LCD Soundsystem

Disco 2000 – Pulp

Are you the one? – The Presets

Miss Modular – Stereolab


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